


Pissing in the Wind

by nihilBliss



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Banter, Cronus Ampora Being Cronus Ampora, Earth C (Homestuck), Everyone Is Alive, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Kankri Vantas Being an Asshole, Silly, Smoking, Urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29099787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nihilBliss/pseuds/nihilBliss
Summary: Cronus is out for a walk, 'cuz his apartment is too hot. He finds Kankri in an embarrassing situation.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Pissing in the Wind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HitherDither](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HitherDither/gifts).



> Written on request.

Humans were supposed to go home and sleep when the sun set, not hang around in parks, but some of them did anyway. Besides, it was quieter at night, even on Earth C, and Cronus craved cool night air, if for no other reason than the summer heat that had baked his apartment took hours to become tolerable after sunset. So, there he meandered, feet following a path under the trees and the moon and the tapestry of twinkling stars.

In time, the path led him to a topiary garden full of shrubberies cut into the shapes of various lusii. Their looming forms made people nervous after dark. Even Cronus, who knew the area well, surveyed the area just a little more closely.

Then came the sound of something spraying nearby — not a sprinkler head, but something focused, a particular hiss. His curiosity piqued, he followed the sound, which led him to a shape. A familiar shape, in fact, of a squatting troll in a bulky red sweater with short, nubby horns on his head.

“oh hey, kanrki!”

Kanrki froze, using if-I-stay-still-nobody-can-see-me survival tactics on instinct. Soon, his thinkpan started working in earnest, and he remembered that such things do not work on trolls.

“Excuse me, 6ut it is extremely rude and p9tentially triggering t9 sneak up 9n a pers9n wh9 is clearly is9lating themself 9r selves in an 9ut-9f-the way l9cati9n,” he said, facing away.

“wvhat’s that smell, dude?”

“The fact that i have n9t turned ar9und t9 address y9u sh9uld 6e a clear expressi9n 9f my disinterest in speaking t9 y9u right n9w…”

“vwait, vwhy are you standing in mud?”

“And this kind 9f 6ehavi9r may have 6een accepta6le under standard cull practices 9n 6ef9rus, 6ut y9u w9uld d9 well t9 ackn9wledge things are very different here and get with the pr9gram lest y9u 6e accused 9f highly inappr9priate 6ehavi9r that w9uld 6e pr96lematic at 6est…”

At last, a lightbulb came on in Cronus’s head. He snorted. Kankri squeaked with outrage.

“vwhy are you pissing outdoors?” he asked, stifling another laugh. “there are pay toilets like, right there.”

“Fuck y9u very much, Cr9nus! That is a wildly inappr9priate questi9n f9r any9ne t9 6e asking, y9u insensitive ass! I swear, y9u are g9ing t9 face justice 9n chittr if y9u d9 n9t g9 away right…”

“nyeh, vwhatevwer, bud, do your business,” Cronus interrupted. “ill be your lookout.”

Kankri seethed, but Cronus had already turned away and was scanning the darkness for anyone who might have been drawn by the commotion. So Kankri said nothing and focused on the task at hand.

Soon, Cronus heard a flow turn to a dribble, then go quiet, followed by the shuffling of cloth and the zipping of pants.

“Y9u may c9ntinue 9n y9ur c9nstituti9nal, as y9ur duties as l99k9ut are n9 l9nger required,” said Kankri, arms crossed and standing well away from the topiary and its puddle. 

“vwhat, didnt you havwe a quarter?” Cronus sassed, glancing back over his shoulder.

Kankri stomped across the grass, finger extended and ready to lecture, face already tinting red with anger. Cronus held his hands up, contrite.

“im fucking vwith you! im just fucking vwith you! relax!”

“If y9u ever say anything a69ut this t9 any9ne, I swear…”

“if i evwer say anything about vwhat?”

Kanrki leered at Cronus, who smirked. Neither said anything, not for a while. Finally, Kankri sighed and started walking. Cronus pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, slipped one between his teeth, and followed.

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by LumenInFusco


End file.
